Having a vision for the future needs to be a positive thing, right? Well, sometimes that is not the case. When your vision has pitfalls, it undermines your progress and prevents you from achieving your goals. However, one other obstacle could also be attachment. When you are attached to a specific end result, it might probably paralyze you or keep you in a state of blocked stress.
Attachment is when commitment goes too far – and yes, it’s possible. Now you do not just go all in – you go all in with unrealistic expectations. Here are the seven commonest things clients tell me when they reach a perfect reality that seems to be not so perfect.
- “Things will be easier with me achieve X.” This really tells me that the person desires to be free from problems and challenges. But true freedom is not freedom from problems and challenges. This is not realistic and sets you up for constant disappointment when the world doesn’t cooperate with your expectations. When you are consistently upset, you are also consistently stressed about the results you receive. You are fighting reality. It’s stressful and unproductive.
- “I will be more likeable/lovable/desirable when I have/have X.” Deep down, it implies that a person wants freedom from rejection and hurt. But this is one other one of those externally focused expectations that can result in disappointment. Defining your value or success based on other people’s feelings and reactions gets you in a bind. When someone is indignant at you, you frequently imagine that it is a reflection of you as a person. You cannot expect that negative or neutral reactions from others won’t ever occur. Therefore, using their lack as a sign of your success will mean that you’ll at all times feel such as you have failed. This will bring you a lot of stuck and unproductive stress.
- “I will finally “feel legit” when I reach X.” It is unrealistic to expect that you’ll cross some imaginary line and suddenly gain credibility. When you provide value, people want what you have to supply. If you provide a service or product and people smile, it means you are acting legally as you would like. If you consistently develop and improve, you’ll learn and get higher, and that is the neatest thing you may do. Searching for an imaginary line of legitimacy or a golden star of approval robs you of satisfaction in the moment and can hinder your ability to serve customers. If you look for an imaginary line as a sign that you simply are essential now, you run the risk of feeling such as you are consistently failing. This feeling will certainly cause you stress, and stress that is not going to go away until you alter your belief.
- “I’ll finally have a lot of free time when I reach X.” Let’s be realistic. What does free time really appear like for you? You are an ambitious woman with high achievements and extraordinary goals. Do you really need to have free time, or do you wish the government to do whatever you wish with it? Even if you had free time, how long would it not last before you used it for your purposes? You should spend all of your time working to get something back for you – even rest is probably not free time. It still serves you. Newsflash: What you really need is not free time; it’s control over your time. Your time is yours and you have control over it. This idea of not having control over your time or not having enough free time is what causes stress – and not only is this belief unproductive, but so is the stress associated with it.
- “Everything will be completely clear when I reach X. I will know exactly what I need to do at all times.” Clarity comes from knowing what you wish and understanding what you want to do to get it. However, expecting pure transparency regardless of what is unrealistic. You will still must think through the problems and challenges (and remember, once you alter your attitude, you could begin to prefer it!). You could also be blindsided by unexpected events and the reactions of others. This is how life works. If you think your life is not going well because you do not know what to do, you are being unfair to yourself. Expecting to at all times know what to do or what ingredients go into an award-winning recipe will create unnecessary stress that you simply won’t find a way to resolve unless you alter your expectations.
- (*7*) This is much like the concept of “plenty of free time.” When you have goals, your money should work towards them. This often implies that it is not sitting in your checking account (so do not forget that the amount in your checking account doesn’t tell the whole story), but is as an alternative being invested elsewhere – perhaps in what you are promoting to rent latest team members or buy latest equipment. You may also invest it to make your private home more efficient or buy a larger home that higher suits your loved ones’s needs. Or you may just invest it in the market to make it grow. If you have a lot of cash in your checking account because you do not do anything with it to extend your success, after a while you will not have any money because you will not achieve success either. That’s how it really works. Setting aside emergency savings is superb, but it also needs to be something you calculate based on your needs. Now that you simply have a financial freedom mindset, are you able to see how your previous worries have caused you unproductive stress? I’ll say it again – changing your beliefs will get you out, not reaching a number in your checking account.
- “When I get to ‘that place’ I can hire more people and everything will be great!” Really? What is this mythical place you speak of? And what magical creatures will you hire that can suddenly make your life a lot easier? Remember: hiring people adds one other layer of complexity. They will expand your options, but they will not necessarily make your life easier. You’ll have a whole latest set of lessons to learn and challenges to beat to beat them. If you expect your life to suddenly turn out to be easier, you are doing a disservice not only to yourself but also to others. It’s not real. And like all the other unrealistic expectations I discussed, this will even set you up for constant disappointment.
Explore one other world
As you go through this process and begin to permit your Future You to breathe freely, you’ll suddenly realize that your previous version of success is nothing like real success. Your previous version of freedom is nothing like true freedom. And now you may let go of the previous version of stress, because it too resulted from your limiting beliefs and rigid expectations.
As you explore what true freedom looks like, you could have noticed that we have never talked about freedom as security. This is because freedom is not security. You cannot really have true freedom and have security at the same time. You will have to present up one or the other. This is a real either/or decision.
Plus, safety is not necessarily a good thing. Excessive security may cause suffocation. The soul of an entrepreneur needs challenge, risk and exploration. You cannot have them and cling to security at the same time. When you do this, guess what? You create immobilized stress.
When my clients come to me with a problem or challenge and tell me how hard it is, I’m at all times secretly a little excited for them because I know they will have to do some work to free themselves from the burdens they’re carrying. unnecessary wearing. And once they get over the problem and begin to tap into their potential and create what they need, every other a part of their life will turn out to be easier—but not for the reasons they assumed in the “Seven Assumptions” section. It doesn’t get easier because the challenges disappear.
It becomes easier because doing this work will make you experience the world in another way. It will make you experience yourself in another way. This will make it easier to gain self-confidence. You will learn to create anything you select to do in another way.