What parenting has taught me about inspiring others to be independent

As a parent, you wish your kids to eventually turn out to be independent adults, but this transformation doesn’t occur overnight. It involves fastidiously and steadily giving them more freedom and responsibilities over years of growth and development until they reach the point where they will make vital and even dangerous decisions on their very own.

Mentoring works in a similar way. When someone is latest to a position, they might need more hand-holding. But as they grow, you wish to be able to loosen the reins a little. Just like parenting, this process can be terrifying. It’s different for everyone and there’s at all times a risk of giving up too soon. But each as a parent and the founding father of a free fundraising platform for schools Future FundI have seen with my very own eyes you can gain more from this than you’ll be able to lose.

Here’s what parenting has taught me about encouraging independence at home and in the workplace.

Helicopter parents and micromanagers are cut from the same cloth

Parenting and management are very personal roles, so people tend to take them seriously. This is normally a good solution, but sometimes it leads to overcommitment.

You probably know parents who micromanage. Several of my close friends whom I respect greatly insisted on watching every movie and listening to every song their children were interested in before allowing them to do so. They monitored their kid’s browsing history and frequently looked through their phones because they didn’t trust them. I’ve seen managers do the same thing.

Some managers feel the need to personally review every decision made by their direct reports. I understand that this will likely simply give the impression of a prudent approach to risk management. But what it actually does is take away your subordinates’ ability to make their very own decisions.

Over time, this approach actually makes your team dependent on you to an unhealthy degree and means you have to always hold their hand, even to solve minor problems. They turn out to be the equivalent of sheltered children in the workplace who cannot cope in the world.

Protecting people ultimately doesn’t help them

I care about what my kids see on their phones and computers, but I do not look over their shoulders or install spyware on their devices. I at all times tell them, “You will come across things on the Internet that will make you uncomfortable, but my job is not to protect you from that – it’s to help you deal with it.”

Your job as a manager is not to protect people. It is intended to help them deal with the problems they face. If you do not do this, you will not protect them in the long term. You are simply taking away their ability to make decisions – let alone the ability to learn from the consequences of those decisions, whether or not they are positive or negative.

As a parent, you wish your kids to finally learn the difference between what is right and improper for them. You want them to be guided by their very own strong moral compass, not to hear your voice in their head every time they face an vital selection.

The same applies to your employees. They should be able to develop their very own strong instinct for solving problems in the workplace, without always having to worry about doing what they think you’d want. In this manner, they turn out to be effective leaders who can provide their very own priceless perspective, moderately than simply relying on yours.

Here’s a phrase from parenting that I often use at work: “My job is to advise, and your job is to decide.” Remember, it is your job to make sure they’ve considered every thing. It’s not your job to call them.

Ask clarifying questions moderately than passing verdicts

Whenever someone asks, “Are you okay?”, answer very fastidiously.

Let’s say one of your team members spends three weeks on an engineering project. Once all tests are accomplished, they submit the design for approval. If you’ll be able to pull it apart half-hour after doing all that work, they are either very green in their role or you have the improper person.

Instead of calling them, ask questions and see how they respond. You may not even understand what they’ve built, but possibly you do not have to. Ask questions like:

• What would you do if this part broke?
• What are the exemptions?
• How would you improve it if you had more time and resources?

This will show you what their thought process was and how fastidiously they thought through their work.

I often find that when people are faced with questions like these, they cite artificial constraints comparable to cost and time. “We want to do more, but we can’t afford it” – this is a quite common answer. I normally answer, “Who decided that?” More often than not, they realize that it wasn’t actually a limiting factor.

As a parent it’s the same. Part of helping your child grow is encouraging him to do things he doesn’t consider he can do. Your child might want to surrender trying to join a team you know he or she is ok to play on, but asking him or her to try harder is simply not enough. You need to help them understand their very own potential, moderately than simply telling them it’s there – because even if you’ll be able to see it, they cannot yet.

When you help children reach their potential, they do amazing things, including growing taller $17,000 for their highschool football team. When you help your employees do the same, they’ll do amazing things, like add latest features, find latest ways to promote their ideas, or feel empowered to take risks and explore latest opportunities.

Asking the right questions might help them find the missing piece of the puzzle that completes the whole picture.