Why did I stop making friends with my employees

At the starting of my profession as the founder and general director, I desperately wanted my employees to love me. I believed that if I behaved like my “real self”, I could build stronger ties with my team. Despite my good intentions, it rarely worked.

I needed to learn and teach again, a key leadership lesson: meMieci are not your friends. The conditional authority of your role creates a barrier in creating healthy friendships. Even worse, employees can use your kindness to undermine your authority. It happened to me many years ago, and when it happened, I was devastated.

I participated in an industry conference with some employees. In the last night of the conference there was a large party with food, drinks, DJ and games. I challenged the worker of the video game competition I won. Then I boasted my win in too dramatic and extravagant. In this fashion I behaved with my friends who understood that my absurd praise was not serious.

However, the worker described this event much in another way for colleagues. I was presented as an bossy and humiliating worker. When I heard this twisted story, I was shocked. I truthfully cared for my team. I thought we were just having fun. I was only my “real self”.

My coach CEO helped me see it as a leader, you are at all times “on stage”. Employees interpret all of your behavior through the power dynamics lens. When you attract employees’ responsibility, the mandatory a part of the leadership, the injury may encourage employees to explain your kindness attempts as invasive or offensive.

As a leader, you are completely responsible for creating and maintaining a productive, positive and supporting workplace. This implies that it’s essential to not only pull your team responsible for their work expectations, but you furthermore may have to build healthy relationships with each member of the team. These two requirements often interfere. You must rigorously balance being friendly and demanding. If you go too far in each directions, your authority and respect suffer.

The borders help maintain this balance. Here are some strategies to build healthy borders with employees.

Be a person your dog thinks you are

I like this aphorism because it humorously reflects the necessary concept of leadership: employees assess you about what you do for them, not what you achieve as a leader.

Employees may not such as you when you pull them responsible, but they’ll such as you if you show real concern for their development and success. Offering a coherent encouragement, vocal recognition and true positive minimizes the negative perception of you as a leader.

Be a nice cucumber

I feel frustrated, especially among colleagues. Equally healthy is the outlet of those frustration for friends or advisers. However, employees can’t be your adviser.

The answer to employees makes you sound cruel, petty and vindictive. It will destroy all amassed trust and credibility. Instead, share frustrations or fears with a mentor, therapist or skilled trainer. Keep calm, positive and supporting the approach to employees, especially those that irritate you.

Tall

The guilt and indication of the fingers are toxic behaviors in the workplace, especially when the leader does it. They create hostility and distrust. You must rise above guilt to just accept the way of pondering.

Instead of focusing on who is guilty, focus on science and development. Take a failure, but balance it with a decision to learn and improve. When my company lost the contract, I was obsessed with checking out why and what we are able to learn. This modified every loss into a likelihood to tune our processes, learn from our mistakes and get more offers in the future.

Building the “without fault” border ensures that your leadership is based on constant self -improvement, not toxic behavior.

The sound of silence

Silence is a powerful border. Let the employees talk, especially when something is improper. Lean to inform them what is bad or the best way to fix it. Instead, be interesting and ask questions. Let them settle accounts.

In addition, when you ask a difficult query, stay quiet and allow employees to reply. This could appear uncomfortable, but silence allows people to realize responsibility.

Protect your privacy

Your privacy is a critical border. Keep superficial personal data. Avoid emotionally sensitive topics equivalent to politics, religion, sexuality or personal wealth, because they’ll stimulate unnecessary conflict or injury.

Regardless of whether at work or social contacts, encourage employees to speak about yourself and to not share personal data. This builds relationships and makes you more cost-effective.

Set clear boundaries between skilled and private life

Your employees’ privacy is as necessary as your personal. Your authority over employees ends the moment when they leave their work. This is a holy border that it’s essential to respect as a leader.

Avoid judgments about what employees do (or do not do) after work. If you have to contact the worker after work, he’ll thank them for their time.

Meet strategically

Periodic social contacts with your employees are good. However, that you must keep a skilled attitude all the time. Remember that you simply are their manager even after work or in a social environment.

Limit alcohol consumption and avoid divided conversations. If you are accompanied by your spouse, make sure you each follow these guidelines and keep the united front.

Avoid competitive situations

Let your employees win. Each competition with employees should remain free, friendly and devoid of real rates. Never assume real money and avoid bragging after winning to forestall negative perception. If you are involved in physical activities equivalent to playing basketball or exercise, you are still their boss. Too aggressive or antagonistic behavior will translate back to work and can provide fuel of negative narrative.

You are at all times a boss – at work, after work, all the time. Although it is possible to build friendly relationships with employees, real friendships are difficult.

The limits protect you and your employees. They help to maintain respect and authority. They help you be friendly without excessive authority.